Mind confusion

Kwa wale wanaojua kimombo naomba mnirekebishe kwenye makosa na naomba maoni yenu, hebu angalia hii kutoka katika diary yangu, niliikokotoa mwaka 1996, rejea nyuma soma ile ya kiswahili inayoitwa `msongo wa mawazo'
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 Let me tell you one issue, which happened to me last week. It was a big issue that would send me to jail, just for a simple incidence caused by confusion of my mind.  How I escaped I can’t tell you now; it would be another story. Just let me tell you what happened to me, perhaps had happened, or may happen to you too. It was a good music with a good song, but I failed to follow its tune.

  Can you believe that the brain can be disturbed in such a way that the body would work on itself without a prior knowledge! Have you happened to meet somebody talking without someone around, though he is a mental fit? I was always arguing differently, until I faced with a terrible mistake, which were contrary to my argument!

 

 I was arrived home tired, bored and frustrated, the pocket was totally empty, and my feet were hatching due to the long walking, just imagine from Tabata to Kawe on feet! With only my shoes as a support, if the shoes could talk I would have a good witness. But oh, the shoes of mine were totally out of shape with dust and wear-out because of my weightless body and daily `right-left-moving’.

 I had to hurry home, but my friend the truth was, I afraid to reach home to meet my wife, she was another problem of mine, and she had changed a lot. It was her 5^th month of her pregnancy. The doctor told me, “that behavior is normal to some woman when they were pregnant, you have to be patient, and try to your level best, to escape anything which may hurt her”. Just imagine my friend how could I manage to make her happy with an empty pocket.

 “Why are you late again?” That was my wife with a harsh and hate voice. It was sharp familiar voice, which distorted all I had in my mind. My brain was too exhausted to urge anything. I tried to open my mouth, but was too dry to say anything. I just stand there and widely open my tired eyes, which were directly looking her.

  She was standing akimbo, the big eyes of her, now looking red for hungry, and the mouth were twisted with rage, she was real angry. For that motion you would think she could swallow me without chew my body in pieces. But when my attention shifted to that big stomach, I felt sorry for her. And I remember my doctor advice `that is a normal behavior, its just a matter of time...’

Then I decided to tell her the truth, that the TD (we are used to call it, and it means transport refund) has been aborted, and there was nothing I earned…without wait what she called `bla-bla, she turned around and burst out:

“You better turn your ass around and never put your valueless body inside of this house again. By the way whom do you think you re! The man without any title. The doctor told me I have to get a real-heavy diet and you come with your empty hand with a lot of your bla-bla and say: `I-am-working-with-an-international-company’, sheet, now I said go-to-hell…” with a force she closed a door, and the house twisted with such a sound of `Bhaagh!’

 With a shame I turned around, away toward the main street, on the way my mind was function beyond its capacity, my body was just moving, and I didn’t know where I was going, what I was doing and who was around me. I was just talking myself but I don’t know that I was talking loudly:

“ If my friend will lend me just a two bobs, I will go back home to my wife, and through that money in her face. If she will open her mouth again, I will show something to remember I will forget anything and hit her hard, and make sure that it stays hit. Yes, I will hit her hard enough, a big blow in her big mouth, like this…” I heard cry-like from the woman infront of me. As I told you before I was like a madman I was talking and acting at the same time. My vision were out of focus, I didn’t realize that infront of me there is a woman coming to my direction, therefore, when I was acting like a boxer I hit that woman. It was a hard blow, which left the pain in my finger.

 When I regain my sense I realized that I was surrounded with many people, while that woman was unconscious down to the ground with a blood in her mouth. I thought I had killed her, but later on she jumped up and started to fight me back. The police arrived and both we sent to the police post.

    As I told you before I can’t tell you how I escaped from that disaster because it was another big long story. But my advice to you now, is that, take care with your brain, because it is too delicate to be disturbed. If something going tough, better be patient for a while, because if you try to be rough then it may hang you naked infront of the public. And perhaps the situation may sent you to be a real mad, if you can’t control yourself, but sometime things become above your knowledge like what happened to me. I don’t know how you’re going to handle it, just wait one day you will face the same music, a tough life then you will know what to do.  I hope you will know how to dance for your own way, especial when you hear that song called: a ` mind confusion song’ inside of that CD called ‘a tough life’.

From miram3